Winter's Journal
by Jinx Telepia
Summary: My personal and very-private-but-also-not-private-since-it's-now-on-the-internet journal. Explains everything that goes on inside the Wonderland you call me brain. Read at your own risk...
1. Entry 1: Sept 10 2015

**Hey everyone! So remember how I said that I'd only do two stories at a time? Well, that's still true. This is not, I repeat NOT, a story. This is my very personal and not-so-private-anymore journal. The only reason I'm posting this is because all of you, except for one, have no idea who I am. So if you wanna offer advice, criticism, hate crimes in word form, go ahead. Knock ourselves out.**

 **This is just a way for me to vent to actual people. This could just be me, but I'm always able to tell more to a computer or notebook than to my friends. So, this will help me get everything off my chest. There's no consistent update. Though I'll more than likely do it every day since that's how often write in my journal, but just letting you know.**

 **And it won't just be entries either. My journals are where I write down literally EVERYTHING. So one day it could be about how I spent an hour in the Manga section of Barnes and Nobles, the next a poem I wrote, and the next a new book idea. I'm just warning you it varies.**

 **Alright, hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Sept. 10. 2015

* * *

At practice yesterday, Frosty claimed that my crush (whom shall hence forth be referred to as Japan) is always looking at me during practice. I didn't believe him, naturally, but it'd be nice if it was true. I've liked him for over a year now, even though I haven't had the chance to have a full conversation with him. We've talked in snippets but never a real conversations.

I _really_ like him, which sucks balls, mainly because there's no way he'd ever like me the way I like him. I'm actually quite surprised he even known my name. I think he just feels sorry for me and that's the only reason he bothers to indulge me in conversation. I _wish_ he liked me like that. I think he'd make a great boyfriend. Guess I can't really judge that yet though. The only things I know about him are that he's funny, sweet...and **really** cute! Who knows, maybe I'll be like Bianca Piper and be the schlumpy friend who gets the hot guy.

...

...

...

...

...

Yeah right.


	2. Entry 2: Sept 11 2015

**_Pretty Pictures_**

 **Dedication: Jess "Dottie". I love you, never forget that. Don't ever be afraid to speak up.**

* * *

Alone inside her bedroom

The door is shut and locked

With her artist tools in front of her

She starts and never stops

* * *

She paints a pretty picture

In a color that's blood red

While using her sharp paintbrush

She marks her arms and legs

* * *

Her paintings almost finished

It's as pretty as can be

With a final stroke of paintbrush

Her painting is complete

* * *

Her pretty picture's fading

The blood red disappears

But her mark will last forever

It will never disappear

* * *

Before her pretty picture fades

It's copied by a friend

He repaints her pretty picture

Will the cycle ever end?

* * *

 **Sept. 11. 2015**


	3. Entry 3: Sept 11 2015

Sept. 11. 2015

* * *

Soooo...it's September 11th. Yeah, I'm not gonna talk about that. Instead, I'm gonna talk about life.

 _You and me, let's talk about life, bay-bee_

Kidding, sorry I'm bored. My stupid Physics teacher is giving _another_ test. I studied but I had _no_ idea what was going on from the beginning. Now, what can I say about Japan? Not much other than he seems mad at me. As I said previously, he just _barely_ knows I'm alive.

Frosty claims he looks at me a lot, but I somehow ( _ **highly**_ ) doubt that. I'm pretty sure he either pities me, or he's just bored. He had a whole gang of fangirls and groupies last year (of course I wanted to pluck their eyes out one by one with a rusty knife. Why would that even be question?), so he could just be trying to fill that until he gets his fanbase back, since most of them transferred or graduated. It's quite sad really.

I think there's a good chance I've got a wacked out brain. I mean, _come on_ , a low-end, ugly, loser like e gaining the affection of a good-looking guy who's actually sweet, smart, and-I don't know-NICE! Honestly. At least I haven't _completely_ deluded myself.

Hopefully.


	4. Entry 4: Sept 12 2015

**Shades of Grey**

 **Dedication: Aubrey the Wildling: "The world isn't in black and white, I know that, that's the reason I spoke to _you_." **

* * *

The world is not in black and white

Nor are the colors clear

The in-betweens of human life

Are never to be feared

* * *

The fairytales and happy endings

We want so bad to have

Imitate a lovely world

Before a shaded mask

* * *

We walk through life, day by day

With sweet and sugared lies

We accept the love of anyone

Without every asking why

* * *

But after the sun has gone away

And stormy clouds roll in

Our perfect world has disappeared

Replaced with color grim

* * *

Night after night, we go through life

With walls around our hearts

Black and white walk side by side

But forever remain apart

* * *

Why do you hide inside the house

When the colors begin to fall?

Why shade yourself with borders

When true light is standing tall?

* * *

Many years from now

We'll look back upon our pasts

And wonder what had happened

To divide our world so fast

* * *

Without the sun, there would be no rainbows

Without the storm, there would be no calm

And with every shattering step we take

Our hearts grow twice as strong

* * *

When the final time has come

And the colors fade away

We'll be as one, and live together

In lovely shades of grey

* * *

 **Sept. 12. 2015**


	5. Entry 5: Sept 13 2015

**Okay, so this poem is kind of special. I wrote it two years ago in eighth grade for our class poetry slam.**

 **Dedication: Vanessa, Octavia, Amanda, Britt, Joseph, Rachel, Justin, and any other victims of bullying.**

* * *

 **The Price of Silence**

* * *

The world is a big place

Full of danger, hope, and fear

But the biggest danger is bullying

That's something everybody fears

* * *

There are a few main parts

You play one out of three

You play the bystander

The one who never speaks

* * *

There's a boy in your science class

Who's called stupid and a dunce

You act like you don't know him

When he's all alone at lunch

* * *

Then there's the girl in the back of the room

The one who never speaks

You're friends always push her around

And constantly call her a freak

* * *

What about the boy you've known for years?

You've been friends since second grade

Why do you joke about his clothes?

And even call him names

* * *

What you bystanders don't seem to get

Is just what you're actions do

They know how much you affect them

But you don't have a clue

* * *

The boy in your class

Who was teased for small mistakes

Filled his bag with rocks one day

And jumped into a lake

* * *

Remember the quiet girl?

She's an artist but her story has a twist

The paintbrush is a razor

And her canvas is her wrist

* * *

The boy you've known for years

Who was supposed to be your friend

Went home from school one day

And never came back again

* * *

There are many people like these

And what they all posses

Is a sense of pain and suffering

That drove them to the edge

* * *

You could've stopped the teasing

You could've stopped the fights

But you stood by in silence

And now you've paid the price

* * *

 **Sept. 13. 2013**


	6. Entry 6: Sept 13 2015

Sept. 13. 2015

* * *

Just got off Skype with Frosty and Belle. We were mostly talking about Japan. I know he's all I've been talking about lately but a) he (along with my inner turmoil _over_ him) are pretty much the only interesting things in my life right now and b) he's super cute! I just wish I knew him better, but I can't seem to stop being a total dork for 5 minutes to have a normal conversation with him.

I reached the halfway point to desperate today and decided to take on of those "self-help" quizzes on guys. A lot of good _that_ did me. It just told me what I already know. He only sees me as a FRIEND-if that. I also asked Frosty for advie since he claims he has some "sixth sense" on reading people and their body language (which I guess he kind of does).

Anyway, he was helping me with the quiz and there were some questions on what Japan thinks about _ME_. So I asked the self-proclaimed "Love Doctor" for help. According to him (Love Doctor/Frosty), Japan looks at me a lot, asks about me, and thinks I'm "exotic". Whatever _that_ means.

I've said more than 2 words to him but I always have this feeling I'm annoying him. So I usually just sit down and keep my mouth shut. For right now, my only hope is that I can be less-than-appealing while still getting a super attractive guy.

God, I'm gonna die a lonely old dog lady.

On a lighter note, I saw Daffy at _B and N_ today. I sat with him and ate a cupcake and read while he did Duel Credit HW. Nothing special. Just a side note to get away from my depressing love life. Not that it's existent at all...


	7. Entry 7: Sept 13 2015

**When Will You Notice Me?**

 **Dedication: Japan**

* * *

When will you notice me?

Tell me, what do I have to do?

Change my hobbies, the way I talk

My hair and clothing too?

* * *

It's been a long year, if only for me

And you just don't have a clue

We've known each other since last September

But I'm still invisible to you

* * *

I think about you

When the sky becomes bright

I think about you

When I turn out the light

* * *

I just can't get it right

I once forgot how to walk

You're on my mind all the time

Though we never even talk

* * *

I wouldn't know what to say

If I say you today

I'd let everything fade with the seasons

My head tells me I should

Forget you if I could

But I just can't for so many reasons

* * *

To you I'm only a friend

Nothing more, nothing less

I settle for this in the end

I've learned it's better not to confess

* * *

Instead I'll keep this secret

And leave my pride up on the shelf

My feelings run deep but aren't right for this world

So I'll keep them to myself

* * *

Until one day you finally see

What I'd hoped for all along

That you and I were meant to be

I'd wished it for so long

* * *

Bit by bit, I'll drift away

Like the leaves of a dying tree

Sooner or later, I'll be gone

So when will you notice me?

* * *

 **Sept. 13. 2015**


End file.
